Monday, December 10, 2012

Moving forward

My last post ended with us opting to have a d&c done by my OBGYN. It was scheduled for November 6th. That morning I was so sick and just not myself. I had so many thoughts running through my head.
" Was I doing the right thing? "
" Should I wait it out and maybe god will change his mind on taking our baby "
" Why can't I just be strong and have a natural miscarriage? "

I never thought it would be so hard making a decision. Even as I was sitting on the bed waiting to go into surgery my doctor said I could change my mind if I wanted. I couldn't stand the thought of having to sit around and wait to miscarry. That alone would be horrid.

The past month following my surgery has been full of highs and lows. Sometimes I felt that getting out of bed was impossible. I felt empty. I felt like everything had just been ripped away from me.

 I have just started to cope and deal with the loss of our baby. Not a day will go by that we will not think of the joy and happiness we felt for that month & half. 4 days ago was my 25th birthday and also 1 month since everything. At midnight I was texting my husband and said today is 1 month. I hope that there comes a point when I don't sit there and think oh I would of been 15weeks or 30 weeks or oh the baby should be here.

Anyone who has gotten to experience motherhood even just once has truly been given the most amazing gift. Never take for granted what you already have. Today starts a new beginning in hopes to someday have our baby.  I cannot wait to hopefully share these posts with him or her. They will know how much they are wanted.

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