A very long 26 months

It is hard to believe that in less then 2weeks we have been trying 27 months. I just recently started my clomid [fertility med] at 200mg which is the highest dose that med is even given.  Sometimes I wonder if it will ever work? Will I ever get my chance to be a mom.

Perhaps it is meant to be this way?
Maybe I am meant to just give up?
Or am I going through this because I am strong enough to overcome it?

--these are all things that have crossed my mind--
I keep telling everyone that when the time comes that we FINALLY get pregnant I will be in complete denial. It has been such a long journey and hopefully it ends soon--with the best result possible.

I constantly have people telling me that it will happen when its meant to -- BLAHBLAH --
You can never sit there and tell someone that if you have been in my shoes. Please do not tell me that it will all work out when really you have no clue what it feels like to know that maybe you will never be a mom. More than 75% of the people telling me this have at least 1 child.

I have friends who have been trying a few months and they say well this sucks and I just wish it would happen -- I just think wow I was in their shoes never realizing that 2 yrs and 2months later I would still be in their shoes.

I am going to try to start blogging more because I really do think it helps to just vent.

But it is about time for me to take me meds and curl up in bed --

Until next time :)

July 15, 2011 Almost 20 months

So last night I was on facebook when a friend from high school told me to start a blog about our struggle with trying to get pregnant. I thought I would give this a go since it seems to help a lot of people talk about their feelings without really telling anyone.
Just to update everyone on my story:

My name is christina and I am 23 years and have been married for almost 3 years in August. I am just finishing up school and start my new job next week (which I am totally excited for).  My husband, also 23, and I have been trying to conceive for nearly 20 months. 12 months of no help from a doctor except getting put on Metformin and as of Jan. 2011 after 12 months of no success he finally put us on clomid. We did 6 rounds of clomid with no success. The doctor ordered test on my husband (swimmers :) ) and found nothing wrong with my husband. 

So this leads us to the last month. 

The doctor said he was going to order 2 surgeries on me to see what exactly was going on .. (pelvic laparoscopy & a hysterscopy) Well that immediately sent up a red flag, because for months he hadn't wanted to do anything and now all of a sudden he wants to?? We decided as a couple to seek another professional opinion. We had our appointment yesterday with another OB/GYN but this time with a doctor who specializes in cases like ours. At the end of our appointment the doctor gave us his professional opinion that it is finally time for a fertility clinic to assist us with having a child. Honestly, it wasn't the news I was expecting to get. I don't know if I wanted him to say they could help us in hopes that maybe we weren't so helpless in this whole process, or if I just didn't want to hear those words .. INFERTLITY CLINIC.

 I never thought at 23 years old that my husband and I would be seeking the help of a clinic.  When we arrived home yesterday I began to look at the packet they gave us on the clinic .. IVF $20,000 for 6 cycles -- Suddenly it sunk in .. is having a baby worth putting us in debt for the next however many years it takes to pay off. I would spend every penny I make for the rest of my life to have a baby. Just to experience motherhood, just to see how it feels to love another being more than anything possible.  The doctor told us that he thinks they will start us out with injections. I am praying to god this works and that we finally will get our miracle after this long struggle .....